Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You ruined the universe
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
