For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
