my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
