I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
