If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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