I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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