We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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