You're completely useless in the revolution.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
