dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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