HIV tests are more positive than that guy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
