32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
