I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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