the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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