if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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