I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Are we still banned from the library?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
