Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
