nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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