Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
