Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you had me at cake vodka
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
