The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
