His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
