why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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