You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
