I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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