mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
