I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
