I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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