You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
