I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
