Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
