i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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