I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize