what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
