i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
