i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
