you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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