update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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