My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
