I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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