i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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