I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
