the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
