You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
