can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
