she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
