i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
