Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt