We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today