1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you get engaged???
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.