if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night