I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
