I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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