HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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