She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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