it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
