Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
