I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
