Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
