wanna go halves on a baby?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
