hell yes lets make some ravioli
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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