a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize