My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
