i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think i got beer on your cat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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