Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
