Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize