You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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