I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
bring money and cleavage
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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