Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
