Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drake has all the answers
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
