Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize