remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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