So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
