...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
