my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
