Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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