Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
