i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
