my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
