How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
