You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
