I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
