i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
