Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize