I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
