and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
