my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
